You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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