I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He has the fingertips of a God
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
