Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
