The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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