yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
