Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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