even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
