You're completely useless in the revolution.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
