my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did i walk over a car last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
