Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
