he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
zippers are such a cool invention
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
