took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
