oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
