your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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