We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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