Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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