Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
