god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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