Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
