I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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