I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
