I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
