sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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