Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do vagina's smell?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
