Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
