Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
