watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
