i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
