Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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