I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she woke up with a sticky ear
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
