the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
