worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
