evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
