I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
