Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
