Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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