i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
