guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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