I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
