I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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