He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
