We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
