In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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