#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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