She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
