why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
