I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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