I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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