3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Small penises have feelings too.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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