Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
