At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
