Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
